Small Legal wedding at home

Riverdale Home Wedding

 Small legal weddings are back, also called 'micro-weddings', a new term for elopements, in post-covid times.  This is in Riverdale, walkable from my home. And yes, another tall couple.  I think I'll start calling myself a Hobbit.  But it was a happy wedding, with a few friends and champagne.  

Legal ceremonies for destination weddings

It's that time of year!  Couples are planning 'getaway' weddings in warm places, and we provide the legal ceremonies in Canada before their 'ceremonial' weddings at the holiday destination. 
For a small legal wedding, you need a Marriage License from City Hall (good for 90 days), and 2 legal witnesses over age 18 (friends, family, neighbours, etc.), and about 15 minutes for a legal ceremony.  Then time to sign lots of papers and take a simple documentary photo (cell phone is OK).
You can save your ring exchange, vows, readings, music, family toasts and ceremonies for the destination wedding, and we will perform a very simplified legal wedding, which fulfils the government requirements.  Here's a sample text.

More information HERE

We can hold your legal wedding in your apartment, balcony, garden, or in a hotel, office, or even in *my* little apartment downtown.  Then the officiant completes all the paperwork for you and we send the documents off to the Registrar General in Thunder Bay for them to process the marriage - while you pack for your 'getaway' wedding.

informal legal wedding in a townhouse

Here are some world travelers who got married this winter, and are off to their family wedding in a few weeks.  We had a nice glass of champagne to celebrate.

Condo Party room legal wedding - simple and lovely

This delightful couple also had a destination wedding in the South.  So this was their legal wedding, held with just their family witnesses, in the Party Room of their condo.  It was a weekday event, so we had the lovely big room to ourselves - with the fire on in the background, and lots of space to take photos.  Here, we've held the brief legal ceremony, and we're just finished signing all the papers!

Party Room Condo wedding

Simple legal weddings, in a home, condo, or AirBnB!

AirBnB penthouse

It's cold this month!  So we found a number of solutions to simple legal weddings.  Here are we are in an Air BnB penthouse and below in an apartment of a friend. In both these weddings, parents attended by Skype!  We have lately also used the games room of a condo, some hotel rooms (find deals on Groupon!), and a couple of condo party rooms.

Friend's apartment

Romantic proposal and wedding on University of Toronto campus

Short version:  the bench-where-the-proposal-was-accepted was duly labelled so by the groom.  We re-united here, with 2 witnesses, and had a short legal wedding, before the couple had their family celebration at the end of the week.
(then they went back to work at the University. I hope they have a working lunch together on the bench occasionally!)
It's tricky to have little weddings on campus, as security staff will usually stop you - but this was a lucky exception, as it was early in the morning at the end of summer term, and nobody noticed us, hiding away. In fact, most of the campus was locked up, so the staff could have a holiday.  But we had the romantic story & the bench to show, just in case.  

the proposal bench (it says: "She said yes")

Newly Married couple (and the bench!)

(again, don't try eloping on campus without permission. The job of the security guards is to stop you.  Please ask for advice, here's an enquiry FORM)

Intimate legal wedding in a downtown condo

What a lovely evening.  Just the couple and their witnesses, and a quiet private wedding.  They are going to celebrate overseas and have another ceremony in the spring ceremony with family.  So, two anniversaries!

Small condo wedding

and then, another one! Also planning a fall wedding, later.

Evening apartment wedding

Small legal wedding behind Trinity College - happy and informal

A very lovely couple who are going abroad were looking for a small legal wedding somewhere around the University.   You can't do this many places, as you need a permit (esp near Hart House).  But if you don't  SEEM like a 'wedding', and you don't bother people, and there's just 4 of you, it's possible to find a little nook and be discreet.  Here's the 5 of us, looking very happy indeed, on the hill behind Trinity College - the new couple are in the middle, witnesses surrounding them. 

At the same time as we finished filling out the papers, a large wedding party marched up the path, bridesmaids in more ruffles and platform shoes than I've seen in ages.  It was quite a fun contrast - both couples very happy, and a beautiful fall day, and cheer all around.  I don't think the fancy wedding realized what we were doing, but the couple who were eloping were tickled by the other entourage!

How to 'Register' the legal Paperwork for a separate non-legal wedding ceremony (spiritual, religious or destination wedding)

Many people are planning destination weddings, or they've  been contacting us to 'register' their other wedding, or to 'complete the paperwork' for Ontario.

Remember, a legal wedding requires an actual verbal CEREMONY, not just a 'signing' of documents. FIRST: you must apply for and pick up your LEGAL MARRIAGE LICENSE. Once you have your legal marriage license, you must still hold a short verbal ceremony conducted by a legal officiant properly licensed in Ontario, in front of two witnesses.  The ceremony is brief, and includes statements by both of you that there is no reason you can't be married, and you have to repeat the official government vows to each other. The officiant must 'pronounce' you to be legally married in front of your witnesses.  The 'signing' part comes after this, and is simply recording that this legal ceremony occurred.

A legally licensed officiant will either blend the required legal sections into a traditional ceremony, or conduct this legal part before the other celebration.

After this short ceremony, your licensed officiant will forward your license to the Registrar General to complete the Registration of your change of legal status as a married couple.

Here's our FAQ on this process and the parts of a legal wedding.

"Signing the Papers", "Registering a wedding", "No ceremony", Here are the facts.

There has been a new flurry of new people asking us to "just sign the papers", "we don't want a ceremony, we just want you to 'register' the wedding" so we can get our "marriage certificate'.  "We're having (or we 'had') another wedding, so we need someone to 'register' the marriage, without a ceremony".  "Our (friend/relative/non-licensed  officiant) is going to marry us, can you please come and sign the papers".

I've written about this for 10 years, but I suppose we can't say this too often:  The Marriage Act of Ontario requires a SPECIFIC SPOKEN LEGAL CEREMONY to be held in front of witnesses, conducted by a LICENSED officiant, to make your marriage legal.  It is not the 'signing of papers', it is this specific VERBAL CEREMONY that makes the marriage acceptable by law.  The 'signing' or 'registering' is simply filling out the papers after the ceremony to PROVE to the Government, and the Registrar General, that the proper VERBAL LEGAL CEREMONY happened in front of witnesses.

If you are being married by a properly registered Religious officiant, they will include the legal parts of the ceremony with your spiritual ceremony.  If your religious or traditional officiant is not licensed by the Registrar General of Ontario to conduct official weddings,  you must find a LICENSED officiant to conduct a legal ceremony, or you are not officially married.

If anyone is offering to just 'sign the papers' for you - that is against the law. Or if anyone offers to simply 'sign the papers' for a non-licensed officiant, that is also illegal.

The required verbal ceremony is short, and follows the requirements of the Marriage Act of Ontario.  You must EACH speak the declarations, saying who you are, and that there is no impediment to your being legally married today, and then you must repeat the legal vows to each other, and the Officiant must properly pronounce you to be married.  The witnesses are signing the 'papers' afterwards, to show that they saw and heard you do and say these things.

You can add lots of other things to a legal ceremony - personal vows, readings, music, rings, cultural ceremonies  - but you CANNOT OMIT the sections required by the Marriage Act.

Please see:
Elements of a Simple Legal Marriage
Can my Sister, Dad, Uncle, Friend Marry US?
Posts about "Signing the Papers", Legal Marriage

Little legal wedding in a Yorkville Art Gallery

Asking the witnesses participation

Signing the Marriage Register

 Here's an entirely wonderful wedding in an art gallery in Yorkville.  First comes the short ceremony (we're asking the witnesses for their legal participation in the top picture) and then after the ceremony, we're signing the Marriage License and Register.  We're all pretty happy. What a nice afternoon this was - and best wishes to them and their family!

Note about a legal wedding:
When couples are looking for a simple legal  wedding, it's possible to hold the ceremony in any location, and then we will all sit down and sign all the documents to swear that we actually HELD a verbal wedding ceremony in front of two witnesses.  The documents we sign are the record of the ceremony, because the ceremony itself is what creates the legal wedding.  

So - if you are planning a SECOND celebration (a destination wedding or even a religious wedding) please note you must have a short simple legal CEREMONY for the legal wedding, with two witnesses.  "Signing the papers" is a record, not a substitute for the actual legal ceremony.

Registering a wedding: First the ceremony - THEN 'signing the papers'

Here's a lovely couple from a small wedding in Trinity Bellwoods.  We're 'signing the papers', which means signing the Marriage License, Record of Solemnization and the Marriage Register, and then our 2 witnesses will sit down and sign after us, to show they were there and heard the couple.
But note, we sign papers only AFTER we have a simple spoken wedding ceremony, as required by the Marriage Act of Ontario.
You cannot just 'sign the papers' to have a legal wedding.  The actual signing of documents is attesting that you have held a spoken marriage ceremony in front of 2 legal witnesses, under the jurisdiction of a legally registered officiant.The 2 witnesses sign the 'papers' to swear that they WITNESSED (saw and heard) the legal ceremony;  where you both said out loud that you accept each other as your legal spouse, in the words required by the Marriage Act of Ontario.
And then you sit down and sign!!  The ceremony can be brief, simple, and short.  But you must have qa legal wedding ceremony to be legally married.

Can my (sister, dad, uncle, friend, neighbour) marry us?

We've been asked this a lot more lately.  We also often asked - "Can you just 'sign the papers' to make the wedding legal, while my friend marries us?

The answer is simple.  NO.  It is against the law.

Your friends and family can certainly be involved, and can do many of the NON-legal parts of a wedding.

If your friend is NOT a Registered Marriage Officiant, however, you need a legally registered Marriage Officiant to conduct the legal parts of the wedding ceremony. We cannot just 'sign the papers'.  A wedding is a legally witnessed contract between two parties. The Marriage Officiant must preside over required parts of the actual ceremony.  And the most important part is the VERBAL ceremony, which is what actually marries you.

Here are some choices:

1)  You can have a simple legal wedding ceremony before your family celebration, along with your two witnesses, and save the music and readings (and rings, which are not legally required) for another ceremonial wedding celebration. This is the same concept as having a legal wedding in Ontario before you fly off for a ceremonial resort wedding. It's the same as Prince Charles getting legally married at the Registry Office in the morning, before changing clothes and going to the Cathedral for a wedding blessing after lunch.

2)  You can invite your friend to participate in your wedding, and the legal officiant will say and do the legal bits, and your friend or relative can do the family bits. This takes a little planning, but it works quite well.  Family or friends can welcome guests, offer readings and best wishes, present the rings, and ask everyone to welcome the couple at the end, for example.

Here is the previous post on this topic, with a few more details. We can also send you examples of ceremonies with participation by others.  Happy planning!

Weddings for Older Couples: Elopements for Seniors and Baby-boomers

We've had a few nice small weddings lately for older people - not just second marriages , but for people who are actually ELOPING at 64 (or earlier, of course, but since I'm that exact age, the Beatles refrain naturally runs through my head - how did I get here already? grin)

Most of these couples have been living together for quite some time - often decades - but just never got married.  Some come to us because of financial planning, or other retirement concerns which suddenly pop up as you are nearing retirement.  Some are doing things as practical as going on holiday, and are concerned about health issues.  SOME are simply romantic, and want a small private wedding (sometimes with adult children - and grandchildren in tow) to celebrate their decision.

We've had the ceremonies in our office, in their homes, backyards, and at restaurants - sometimes with family, sometimes with long-time friends, sometimes just the couple (and their witnesses) but the weddings have been lovely, simple, and very touching.

The words we say change a bit when you have been keeping house together for 30 years - we often talk about the couples life not changing, but simply becoming stronger. We can talk about the years they've spent together, and their plans for the future, or simply celebrate their partnership. 

"...for N & N their relationship has not changed – it has endured thirty years.  Today their relationship simply grows stronger, made more powerful by their pledge to each other to support and love one another through all of life’s joys and challenges. For marriage is not the beginning, but the maturing of love - it is love freely given and gladly returned and it is both ordinary and extraordinary because it is simply about everyday living.."

Here is a reading I like to use for couples who are 'getting married at 64'
Captain Corelli’s mandolin, Louis de Bernieres.
Love is a temporary madness; it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two

Unusual transportation wedding venues: Boats, Trains, Planes and Aeroplanes - and Streetcars

We often read of exciting weddings - bungee jumping, center ice, scuba diving, even the roller coaster.  Yes, of course it's possible.  You can say "I do" anywhere.  Though you must always do the formal wedding paperwork (and say "I do " again) on land, with a street address. People simply get confused about the legal parts of the ceremony, and the 'ceremonial' parts.

The official Provincial registry does not (yet) use GPS coordinates for the legal location of your wedding, nor latitude and longitude.  That's why you can get married ON a boat, but you have to sign the papers on land at the dock.  You can have your ceremony underwater, but you have to do the legal bits on land.  We have married people in boats, on rooftops, and on the train, in a special car set up with a SpeakEasy bar.  But once we alight from the fun place, we must sit down and do the legal parts at a (non-moving) legal address.

I lose my mind and my lunch on roller coasters, and will NOT marry you on a ride at Canada's wonderland . I have piloted a plane, but decided not to skyjump out of one. It's too hard to HEAR in a helicopter.  I love boats, and I like horses (and love Riverdale Farm, for instance!) so canoes are a definite possibility.   I like hiking, and would consider remote parts of the Scarborough Bluffs, and hiking trails.  But I have friends with Lyme disease, and I won't venture into tick-infested groves.  No matter how idyllic.

So - leave something for the honeymoon, in terms of adventure and escape - but plan your wedding elopement in a location with an address, a view, and a minimum of moving parts.

UPDATE:  Yes, we had a nice wedding on a Mariposa Cruise Line Yacht in July.  We signed the papers while docked, and performed the ceremony at the Island lagoon - then I caught a water taxi and came back to Queen's Quay.  A bit windy, and the party boat that crossed our bow during the ceremony was annoying, though everyone yelled "congratulations".  But it's an option...

UPDATE:  OK - Streetcar wedding! Moving vehicle! You can rent a modern or a vintage streetcar, for about 55 people.  Food, but no alcohol. So have a reception afters
Get out and sign papers on the group photo break! This was fun, but you have to rent a loudspeaker amp - you can't use the TTC one.

Elements of a simple legal marriage ceremony

HOW to HOLD a SIMPLE LEGAL MARRIAGE CEREMONY

The couple themselves are responsible for obtaining a legal marriage license before the wedding. You may apply online, but one of you (or both) must go IN PERSON to pick up the license and swear that the information is correct.

You must be married by a LICENSED ONTARIO MARRIAGE OFFICIANT.
After a simple verbal legal ceremony in front of 2 witnesses, the legal officiant will give the couple a Record of Solemnization, signed by the Officiant and the witnesses, to state that the wedding took place.  The officiant must then file your official Marriage License with the Registrar General within 48 hours.

In 6-10 weeks, the couple may request a Certificate of Marriage Registration (known as a "Marriage Certificate") from the Province of Ontario (note, this is not mailed automatically, you must apply for it).  See more information here: Toronto Registry Office, and  Getting Married in Ontario

Note requirements for divorced couples, those with foreign identity documents.
You must also provide TWO legal witnesses, over the age of 18.

'SIGNING THE PAPERS'
Couples often ask us if we will just 'sign the papers', because they want a very simple legal wedding ceremony, or perhaps they are planning a more elaborate ceremony later, with friends and family, and want a legal ceremony first, or sometimes they have had a cultural ceremony which was not legal, or they have asked a friend of the family who is not a legally registered officiant to perform a 'celebration of marriage' ceremony, and want to legally 'register' the marriage. 

While 'signing the papers' is the closing part of a legal marriage ceremony, the Marriage Act requires that we first hold a simple verbal actual ceremony, in front of 2 witnesses, which includes the required elements legislated by the Marriage Act of Ontario. This means the voices of the two persons, repeating the words from the Marriage Act. This is because because marriage is a formal  legal agreement between two parties - which is enacted in a public 'marriage ceremony', where you state in front of the legally certified officiant that you are accepting the other person as your legal spouse: this is the same whether we're meeting in your kitchen, my office, the CN Tower, the beach - or in a formal wedding location.  You sign the documents AFTER the ceremony, to show you all participated in the legal wedding.

STANDARD LEGAL WEDDING

Wedding Ceremonies may thus be informal or formal, but the following parts must be included, and the LEGAL MARRIAGE OFFICIANT must conduct the parts listed below. 

If you wish to include other family or friends, other persons can offer statements, readings, blessings, introduce the couple, and also perform the ring exchange (which is not a legal requirement. This is called a 'co-officiated' wedding, in which the legal officiant performs the required parts, and the other person may conduct the traditional or family-oriented parts.

ASSEMBLY, STATEMENT OF PARTIES. The officiant will introduce themselves by name, as a licensed representative of the government and state their own licensing body and tradition, and announce "We have assembled together at this time for the wedding ceremony of (full legal names) NAME1 and NAME2.

WITNESS AFFIRMATION. The officiant notes the presence of the witnesses, and asks for their participation:  "Are you willing to be a legal witness for the marriage of N and N2?" "I am").

STATEMENT on MARRIAGE. The officiant makes a short statement about marriage, so that we all know we are present for a wedding ceremony. (not a betrothal, or commitment, etc.)

Example:  Marriage is a legal institution not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but following consideration and with reflection by both parties. A marriage is based on mutual love and respect, and a determination on the part of both persons to support and adjust to each other's temperaments and conditions, in health or sickness, joy or sadness, ease or hardship.  It is with this understanding of the shared benefits and legal responsibilities of marriage that n & n2 come now to be joined

INTENTION to MARRY or CONSENT. The officiant asks the couple individually if they are here freely, knowing no legal impediment to being married, and are prepared to enter into a legal marriage at this time with the other party, and asks them each to repeat:  "I do solemnly declare that I do not know of any lawful impediment why I (Name1) may not be joined in matrimony to (Name2).

THE VOWS. The officiant asks the couple to each state out loud to the other person that they accept the other person as their legal spouse. They must say:  "I call upon these persons here present to witness that I (Name) do take you (Name) to my lawful wedded husband/wife/partner/spouse". 
You may add personal vows or statements after this legal portion.

DECLARATION. The officiant states that this contract has been entered into by these two persons, and that the witnesses have witnessed this agreement (example: "In front of us all, this couple have exchanged their promises and agreed to meet sorrow and joy as one family") Then:

 "I  [OFFICIANT NAME] by virtue of the powers vested in me by the Marriage Act, do hereby pronounce you Name1 and Name2 to be married"

Then the officiant, the witnesses and the couple each sign the MARRIAGE LICENSE, MARRIAGE REGISTER, & RECORD of SOLEMNIZATION.

The officiant congratulates the couple and INTRODUCES THEM as a married couple.

KISS & TOAST etc. (optional) 

The officiant files the MARRIAGE LICENSE in 48 hours, and 6-8 weeks later, the couple can apply for the CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE REGISTRATION, described above.

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Here is a CHECKLIST for organizing a simple wedding, including music, handling of guests, announcements, etc.
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OPTIONAL CEREMONY ELEMENTS:
The Exchange of Rings, Music, Poetry, Candles, Flowers, Readings, and other rituals are traditional, and optional. THE KISS IS OPTIONAL. RINGS ARE OPTIONAL. The couple may write their own vows, and say them in their own language. At any point during the ceremony, the couple may address their family or assembled guests, or ask a friend or family member to make remarks, to offer readings, music, or other appropriate contributions.

The OFFICIANT may also read appropriate selections, as the couple requests. The couple may exchange flowers, a wine cup, tea, candles, or other symbols. The tone can be formal, informal, humorous, family-oriented, or anything you choose, as long as the required elements are included.

Be sure to ask your officiant for the options available to expand upon these required elements, or to add cultural elements from your tradition. (Glass smashing, wine toast, 7 blessings, 7 steps, circling, ring warming, handfasting, tea or saki ceremony, etc.)

How to Plan a Simple Wedding in Toronto (full post)

HOW TO ELOPE or PLAN A SMALL WEDDING in Toronto
(here is the original list, moved from the First Page....)

1. Find partner. Propose. Rinse and repeat. You can be married anywhere in Ontario, indoors or out - from back yards to balconies to condo party rooms to a private room in a restaurant - but you may need a permit for some public spaces, esp. parks or waterfront.
3. Find all your IDs (passport, drivers license, birth certificate, divorce papers if relevant. If you have been divorced or widowed, bring documents and information regarding the previous marriage and spouse. You MUST disclose all previous marriages, including those in other countries. If you have been divorced OUTSIDE CANADA there are more requirements.
4. Decide if either of you will change your name. Not required in Ontario, and you do not have to make this decision when you apply for the Marriage License.
5. LICENSE  information

https://www.toronto.ca/services-payments/venues-facilities-bookings/getting-married/step-1-applying-for-a-marriage-licence/

The cost in Toronto is currently about $140.  It is good for 90 days. You may get a marriage license from any municipality in Ontario, and use the license in Toronto or another Ontario city. 

6. Find a Marriage Officiant who is licensed to conduct legal marriages in Ontario. Check to make sure they are legally  registered.
[NOTE: Humanist Officiants are technically classified as RELIGIOUS 'clergy' by the Province - because thre is no category for 'ethical but not religious' in the province.  However, we perform Non-Religious, secular marriage ceremonies, legally equivalent to "Civil Marriages", much the same as a Justice of the Peace, but with more personal touches. 
We emphasize ethical rather than religious traditions and we also conduct other cultural rites of passage -  baby-namings, coming of age, funerals, etc., much the same as 'religious' clergy, but without any references to religion. We use poetry, (from Shakespeare to Leonard Cohen or Margaret Atwood) rather than scriptural texts.]
Here are some Sample Humanist wedding ceremonies
7. Choose your legal witnesses, 2 persons over age 18.
8. Buy a ring or two (not actually required by law). Yes, you can have tattooed rings. Or wooden rings. Or one ring. Or none.
9. Buy some flowers, or not - your choice, but nice, even at a corner deli - bring ribbons and pins!
10. Discuss your ceremony wishes with the officiant. You can ask for sample ceremonies, and discuss writing your own vows, or other personal touches. Some parts of the ceremony are legal requirements, but much of it may be customized. Most elopements are simple 15 minute ceremonies. 
11. Meet your officiant, exchange your vows, pledge your lives into the others keeping. Kiss.
12. Sign the license. Witnesses sign the license. Officiant signs license with official date and time. You all sign the Marriage Register (your officiant's book of recorded weddings). Witnesses sign the Record of Solemnization, which is handed to you to keep as a record of your marriage.
13. The officiant will congratulate you, and take the signed license and THEY WILL REGISTER IT FOR YOU. Approximately 90 days later, you may apply for a Certificate of Registration of the Marriage, from the Provincial Office in Thunder Bay. That's the final step, and the Certificate is needed for passports or Driver's License changes.
14. Pop the champagne, and celebrate your new union!

And here is a post on 'jobs' for your friends and family to help you plan a small wedding.