How To Plan a Simple Wedding in Toronto

HOW TO ELOPE
(this is a 'sticky' post - it stays at the top. News posts below!)
1. Find partner. Propose. Rinse and repeat.
2. Decide on Date and time, start thinking about location and rain location, if outdoors. You may be married anywhere in Ontario, indoors or out - from back yards to balconies to condo party rooms to a private room in a restaurant - but you may need a permit for some public spaces, esp. parks or waterfront.
3. Find all your IDs (passport, drivers license, birth certificate, divorce papers if relevant. If you have been divorced or widowed, bring documents and information regarding the previous marriage and spouse. You MUST disclose all previous marriages, including those in other countries. If you have been divorced OUTSIDE CANADA there are more requirements.
4. Decide if either of you will change your name. Not required in Ontario, and you do not have to make this decision when you apply for the Marriage License.
5. Go to one of the City of Toronto Registry Offices and apply for your marriage license. The cost in Toronto is currently about $130. You may print out the application in advance.  It is good for 90 days. You may get a marriage license from any municipality in Ontario, and use the license in Toronto or another Ontario city. One partner may print and sign the application and take the other person's ID in to obtain the license. Remember to have the other person sign the application line at the wedding.
6. Find a Marriage Officiant who is legally registered to conduct marriages in Ontario. Feel free to ask for their license number with the Province of Ontario. Check here to make sure they are registered.
NOTE: Humanist Officiants are technically classified as clergy ('religious' officials) even though we perform Non-Religious, Secular marriage ceremonies, legally equivalent to "Civil Marriages".  We are actually Secular Clergy,- we emphasize ethical rather than religious traditions and perform secular rites of passage - weddings, baby-namings, funerals, etc., the same as 'religious' clergy, but without any references to religion. Think Shakespeare or Leonard Cohen rather than religious texts. 
7. Choose your legal witness(es), 2 persons over age 18.
8. Buy a ring or two (not actually required by law).
9. Buy some flowers, or not - your choice, but nice, even at a corner deli - bring ribbons and pins!
10. Discuss your ceremony wishes with the officiant. You can ask for sample ceremonies, and discuss writing your own vows, or other personal touches. Some parts of the ceremony are legal requirements, but much of it may be customized. See #8
11. Meet your officiant, exchange your vows, pledge your lives into the others keeping. Kiss.
12. Sign the license. Witnesse(s) sign the license. Officiant signs license with official date and time. You all sign the Marriage Register. Witnesses sign the Record of Solemnization, which is handed to you to keep as a record of your marriage.
13. The officiant will congratulate you, and take the signed license and THEY WILL REGISTER IT FOR YOU. Approximately 90 days later, you may apply for a Certificate of Registration of the Marriage, from the Provincial Office in Thunder Bay.
14. Pop the champagne, and celebrate your new union!

And here is a post on 'jobs' for your friends and family to help you plan a small wedding.

Rainy Day weddings - plan B is important

While I don't mind standing under an umbrella in a soft rain (which can be romantic), your granny and your friend in the new 5 inch heels, and people who DID get dressed up for you may mind, a lot.  Last night we had to move a wedding ceremony from the Music Garden, where the metal gazebo has no actual roof, to the reception site at the last minute.  That meant the groom had to wait at the garden for all of those people who were still coming to the first site, even though the skies opened and it should have been obvious the rain wasn't going to stop. 

Please have a "Plan B" - and a way to CONTACT your guests. 

You will usually need to contact them BEFORE they set out for the wedding -- or it's going to be a logistical nightmare (in the rain) trying to get everyone to your other location.  Appoint a contact person who is NOT in the wedding party, and give out their phone number to everyone.  Post them at the original location to redirect - so the groom won't have to stay at the original site.  Have a rain time already prepared, which is usually an hour later than the original wedding, so you have time to set up.

If you have the ability to simply move inside at the same location, talk to the site staff in enough time for them to adjust.  We often have a ceremony area roughly set up in another room, and all you'll need to do is move chairs, or set up some chairs for family and older guests and have other guests stand at the back

Respect your guests - their clothes and shoes and hairdos - and respect your musicians - string players can't cope with rain, and they won't want their instruments to get wet. Electronics can't get wet - so ditch the DJ and let them go inside.  In case of passing showers, you can always reasssemble outside for post-ceremony pix, toasts, and group pictures.

reminder: You must get your OWN marriage license!

It may be a function of the summer heat - but a few people have been confused lately about the legal process of getting married.  YOU MUST GO TO CITY HALL AND OBTAIN YOUR OWN MARRIAGE LICENSE. BY YOURSELVES (or at least one of you, with the other persons signed application and ID).

THE OFFICIANT DOES NOT OBTAIN YOUR MARRIAGE LICENSE.  Nope. No way.  I'm not getting married TO YOU - I'm officiating at your wedding.  To the person you love.

Once you have gone to the Marriage Bureau, and satisfied the City Clerk that you meet the conditions for getting married - proved your identity, shown that you are of age, and not currently married to someone else, and not related to the other prospective spouse in one of the excluded categories - and filled out all the questions with the names of your parents, your full legal names (yes, you have to use all those names on your birth certificate) and your legal address, etc., and paid the fee, you will obtain an official license-to-be-married.

THEN, you can bring the license to a REGISTERED MARRIAGE OFFICIANT, along with your intended, two witnesses and your IDs, and you can get married. 

If you have any questions, please check with your officiant and with City Hall. Turning up at kind Father O'Flaherty's in the pouring rain on the Brooklyn waterfront to be married in the parlor with him in his slippers only happens in movies.  And trust me - a former Brooklynite - it doesn't happen in Brooklyn, either.

of bars, patios, and wind tunnels and outdoor weddings

If you read  Toronto Life, Now and the Eye, you'd think Toronto is known forsummer patios.
We've done a number of weddings on restaurant patios - and mostly, the result was underwhelming.
It's not the restaurant's fault, they have some sidewalk real estate, and brides like to be outside in summer.

But the noise factor is significant.

Patios in clubland, bistros, trendy bars, etc., are too close to the street.  Sirens, buses, trolleys and blaring radios make it smelly and hard to hear.  And hot.   Even fancy places, like the Jump patio at Commerce Court are fairly nice (with the fountain in the background) but as most Torontonians know, downtown is a wind tunnel.  A little bit of weather or wind turns into a gale in the concrete forest, and stray jets, birds and tour buses all echo. So then, you need a mike. And why hold a wireless mike OUTDOORS in a concrete patio?

If the restaurant has indoor facilities, consider them for your ceremony and hold the cocktail hour in the outdoor patio.  Then you're a bit protected and quieter.  Or go to the Islands, or the bluffs or the Kortwright or even Allen's Back patio on the danforth - but avoid the financial/club district patios, if you want people at the back to hear.

Cherry Beach wedding

Cherry beach (lifeguard station at left) was quiet, nice, and a little too full of cigarette butts, lurching we labradors and goose poop. But we wrote the couple's name in the sand, had a simple ceremony, and watched the sunset across the channel. Much cooler than the city.


For a fancier early morning, consider Rosetta McClain park on the bluffs -  there's a nice tree/sward area (above right), or the view over the cliffs. you'll have to book it for a full wedding, but you could zip in early for a morning elopement, I expect.  The City website says hours are "dawn to dusk everyday".   hmmm

Sugar Beach - for a small little wedding?

Promenade through Sugar Beach

Sugar Beach view onto Lake Ontario Although it hasn't officially opened, Toronto's newest park is ready for the public. Canada's Sugar Beach is one of Waterfront Toronto's many projects aimed at revitalizing the city's shoreline. Along with the recently finished Corus Quay, Sugar Beach is one of the few "completed" projects (it's not entirely finished) in the East Bayfront portion of the entire Waterfront plan.

As in all things Toronto, they probably won't issue wedding permits for this nice view - it would take too much bureaucracy.  But you could certainly wander down, stand on the end, and have a short private ceremony.  Until the whole place gets run over with condo-iters.

A few weddings in backyards

A big one: (fiddler! piper! lots of children! potluck reception) and a lovely happy family gathering. The bride watched the gathering from the upstairs deck - in disguise - and then we all went and got her.  The music lasted through the night...
Then some little ones:  a dozen people in a backyard - birds and flowers and more children, signing the papers in the gazebo, champagne for all.  Or just the couple and two friends as witnesses, quiet and peaceful, with a little Sarah MacLaughlan for background and some yummy food from St. Lawrence market, and then another nice wedding with the couple and parents and two special dogs, and then a couple of weddings on balconies, and a little one in the woods.  In bad weather, we can meet you in our office for a wee elopement, but it's fun to set out a little repast and have a toast in the comfort of home - especially with kids and backyards!

Kortwright Centre - wedding in the woods

Beautiful woodland wedding last evening - the birds were singing, a simple willow arch in the woods, handspun cloth on the signing table, birdseed for celebration -  the groomsmen wore suspenders and stovepipe pants, the ladies in canary yellow and orange sundresses, and a wonderful banjo and guitar player to bring the groom and bride up the path.  After supper and dancing, plans were afoot for a bonfire and singing.  What could be better?

Toronto Islands - Rectory Cafe wedding

Here we are, having a delightful indoor wedding in the Rectory Cafe on the Toronto Islands.  The planned terrace ceremony was moved inside, as the wind and rain rapped on the windows - but we were able to go outside after the ceremony for some windy pictures on the boardwalk.  The staff was great at re-arranging things, the food was lovely, the service was attentive.

This was a small informal wedding for about 30 people - and I have just asked the guests for their support for the couple. The resounding "Yes" was so hearty that we are reacting to the happy sound. Check out the great footwear.

Morning wedding at McLean House - inside and outside

So the rain determined we should move inside for the ceremony, and it was quite lovely - and the wedding couple's 2 dogs behaved beautifully indoors (well, the Golden Lab behaved beautifully). Perhaps there were less distractions - like the fountain and the birds. But we couldn't have the harpist outside in the drizzle - that's too expensive for such an instrument (I used to play one). 
But the clouds lifted just in time to go out into the garden and have great family shots on the grass.  The wedding couple were great - and the jazz ensemble was stunning.  I'll try to get the info for the musicians.  Congratulations to Paul and Pierre!

A pretty dawn wedding in Ashbridges Bay

A lovely family wedding at dawn at Ashbridges Bay. We're in the midst of the wedding ceremony, and the couple's young son is helpfully pointing out some sea gulls behind us (not to worry, his granny was watching him while his grandfather took pictures). 

We often include small children in the ceremony, sometimes they hold the rings (in this case) and sometimes we can add a ceremony of encirclement at the end - but our young lad was so excited by the birds and the rocks that we just let him explore a bit while we did some important talking. 

Wedding Musicians for Hire - Royal Conservatory

Musicians for Hire
Royal Conservatory teachers will often play for your wedding.  See Anita Beaty for instance (disclosure! she's a family member! who brings her own keyboard and can play any ceremony music, as well as classical and jazz for a reception)

You can also hire her students. A list of qualified and professional musicians currently studying at The Glenn Gould School is available HERE. These musicians would be delighted to play for your special event.  Info:


Do you wish to hire soloist or a group of musicians?
You can usually do this with one phone call. Contact one of the soloists on the list and ask for their help in assembling a group to perform for your event. The soloists work with other musicians regularly and will probably be able to assemble a group to meet your needs.

How much does it cost to hire musicians?
Pricing should be discussed in advance, directly with the musician(s). Fees typically range from $85 to $175 an hour, per musician, plus travel expenses. Some instrument types will be more costly to hire, such as harp, due to the logistics of moving the instrument and extra time for tuning and set up. However, fees are always negotiable on a one-on-one basis. If you require further help, please do not hesitate to contact our Musicians for Hire coordinator:
Phone: 416-408-2824, ext. 888
Email: musiciansforhire@rcmusic.ca
Please allow 48 hours for a response.

A Royal Conservatory Wedding

was lovely today.  Great Views from the Board Room at the top, where the groomsmen hung out.
But if you aren't having a big elaborate wedding, why not choose Philosophers Walk, right down below? which is lovely and green, and has lots of little nooks.  We could see it delightfully from the glass windows at the Conservatory... 

Small weddings - tasks and jobs for friends and family

Small family weddings are some of the most delightful, and seem easy to plan.  But a) people NEED jobs, because they want to be helpful, and b) you need THEM, because the wedding couple can't do everything, especially on the day of the wedding.

So here are some tasks and suggestions for willing helpers:

1)  Site selection, pre-site prep and cleanup
Whether it's the beach, your backyard, a park or a patio or your condo roofdeck, someone needs to get there early, pick up hamburger wrappers and cigarette ends, and politely inform other people that there will be a short ceremony.  You need to assign someone to pick up your own discards - from ribbons to flower wrappings to champagne corks.  If you're borrowing chairs, someone needs to set them up and put them back.

2)  Greeting guests
Post a friend near entrances, along park roads, in the parking lot, at the corner of the block, to direct lost people.  Everyone should know when you're going to try to start, and who you need to wait for, and what to do with granny. 

3)  Drinks - toasts - glasses
If you don't have a bar person (with a SmartServ certificate), someone needs to pro-actively handle refreshments and clean up.  I have a friend who hired a 'butler in training' from a hospitality course at a community college, to go around the apartment, serve drinks and buss up, so the guests could talk and relax.

4)  Music and flowers and photos
Ipod or live, someone needs to provide ambient music, and to organize plugs and playlists on the day, so the couple don't have to worry about patch cords.
You can get flowers from a corner deli - but give someone that task, and ribbons and pins and tell them to take on the task of bringing the flowers to the reception - even if its back inside the house.
If you don't have a professional photographer, deputize ONE or TWO people as 'official' photographers, and tell everyone to give them their email so they can get pix - and tell guests that there WILL be pix, so they don't all have to snap the ceremony, and can actually listen

5)  Prezzies and guest book
You can get a little book from a dollar store, and ask someone to make sure everyone signs it.  Ask someone to collect gift cards and presents, and bring boxes or bags to contain them.  We often have to run for a kleenex box or something to hold envelopes safely.

6)   Granny minding and other relative ideas
Assign someone to monitor special guests and relatives - see that they are seated, they have food and someone to talk to, and that they get a moment to talk to the couple

7)  Ceremony honours
Signing the license, holding the rings, readings, lighting candles, speaking, ring warming, holding flowers, bringing the wine glass, all tasks can be split between friends and relatives to honour and recognize special people in your lives.

8)  MC and Wedding-Planner-stand-in
Even in a teeny wedding, the couple are busy doing lots of tasks, and they can't micro-manage their day. One or two people can take over as 'managers', fielding phone calls, seating granny, moving the presents inside, paying the musician, caterer & officiant, organizing toasts, and assigning small errands.  Thank them with a special toast AND a gift certificate for a massage, afterwards!

it's Spring! Lovely Toronto Island Wedding

What a beautiful day for a small, simple wedding on Centre Island.

The couple and friends had reserved a picnic spot with a view, and we stood on the dock and performed their lovely, simple wedding ceremony and signed the papers on the picnic tables.  The island was pleasantly deserted - for a Friday!  More geese than people.   You do have to wait a bit longer for ferries, but you can time things nicely if someone goes ahead and sets up the picnic, and then you can have a Wedding Barbecue!

Taking His Name? You Must Be A Girly Girl

Taking His Name? You Must Be A Girly Girl
Can a woman take her husband's name and still be independent? The answers from society may surprise you.

"Via Broadsheet, a new study claims that women who take their husband's names are viewed with many more of the stereotypical characteristics of women:

Marital name change is not without consequences. Women who took their partner's name appear to be different from women who kept their own name on a variety of demographics and beliefs, which are more or less associated with the female stereotype (Study 1). Subsequent studies show that women's surnames are used as a cue for judgment (Studies 2-4). A woman who took her partner's name or a hyphenated name was judged as more caring, more dependent, less intelligent, more emotional, less competent, and less ambitious in comparison with a woman who kept her own name. A woman with her own name, on the other hand, was judged as less caring, more independent, more ambitious, more intelligent, and more competent, which was similar to an unmarried woman living together or a man.

How does this "less intelligent, less competent" belief play out in real life? Well, according to the study, this would result in, among other things, lower pay for job applicants"

Mary's comment:  well, this is a small sample, and interesting as a discussion starter.  We also see couples who MERGE their names (Pepsi + Cola = PepsiCo) or where the groom takes the bride's name, esp. when she is the 'last' in her family, or where girls take their mom's name and boys keep their dad's - all sorts of permutations these days...

Here is info on changing your name in ONTARIO

Mixed marriage couples in Canada

Mixed marriage couples increasing rapidly in Canada
No news here! "Mixed" marriages, which simply means couples from different backgrounds, are so common as to be unremarkable, in my experience. Visible ethnic differences are the focus of the article, with the remarkable fact that 75% of Japanese in Canada marry non-Japanese. However, we also often marry people from different cultural & faith backgrounds. My first wedding ceremony, ten years ago, was Jewish and Catholic, which we call a 'New York wedding'. Since then, we've married Hindu and Jewish, Buddhist and Jewish, Atheist and Protestant, Mormon and Catholic, Muslim and Catholic, Shinto and Greek Orthodox, Korean and Japanese, Russian and Irish, German and Chinese, Pagan and Catholic - and many more combinations. When you add the country of origin to the religious tradition, the ceremony are quite complex - and always interesting.

Secret little spot on the Leslie Street Spit

Who built this little shrine on the Leslie St. Split? - thestar.com
Well, why not? It would make a great little elopement, if you can FIND it - (a slight secret, watch the video and guess). Even a little brick path! And you'll have to build your own shrine for a little memorial, won't you?

eco|stems ~ an environmentally and socially sustainable flower shop in toronto: Vase and Pot Amnesty!

eco|stems ~ an environmentally and socially sustainable flower shop in toronto: Vase and Pot Amnesty!

Sustainable Florist! Queen Street east!

"Here at eco|stems we are always thinking of ways we can lessen our collective impact on the environment and get our customers involved. With that in mind, we wanted everyone to know that we will happily take any used vases and/or pots you've got collecting dust. Bring them in and we'll trade your vase/pot for a flower. Cracks, chips or scratches are no problem, we'll take those too! Metal, glass and ceramic etc. are all accepted.

We'll put them all to good use and keep them out of landfill. Give us a call if you have larger quantities and we'll arrange to pick them up. A big thank-you goes out to those individuals who have already brought in their vases and pots for reuse!"

Unusual wedding venues: Boats, Trains, Planes and Aeroplanes

We often read of exciting weddings - bungee jumping, center ice, scuba diving, even the roller coaster.  Yes, of course it's possible.  You can say "I do" anywhere.  Though you must always do the formal wedding paperwork (and say "I do " again) on land, with a street address. People simply get confused about the legal parts of the ceremony, and the 'ceremonial' parts.

The official Provincial registry does not (yet) use GPS coordinates for the legal location of your wedding, nor latitude and longitude.  That's why you can get married ON a boat, but you have to sign the papers on land at the dock.  You can have your ceremony underwater, but you have to do the legal bits on land.  We have married people in boats, on rooftops, and on the train, in a special car set up with a SpeakEasy bar.  But once we alight from the fun place, we must sit down and do the legal parts at a (non-moving) legal address.

I lose my mind and my lunch on roller coasters, and will NOT marry you on a ride at Canada's wonderland . I have piloted a plane, but decided not to skyjump out of one. It's too hard to HEAR in a helicopter.  I love boats, and I like horses (and love Riverdale Farm, for instance!) so canoes are a definite possibility.   I like hiking, and would consider remote parts of the Scarborough Bluffs, and hiking trails.  But I have friends with Lyme disease, and I won't venture into tick-infested groves.  No matter how idyllic.

So - leave something for the honeymoon, in terms of adventure and escape - but plan your wedding elopement in a location with an address, a view, and a minimum of moving parts.

UPDATE:  Yes, we had a nice wedding on a Mariposa Cruise Line Yacht in July.  We signed the papers while docked, and performed the ceremony at the Island lagoon - then I caught a water taxi and came back to Queen's Quay.  A bit windy, and the party boat that crossed our bow during the ceremony was annoying, though everyone yelled "congratulations".  But it's an option...

Spring! Go outside and get married!

Grab two witnesses and go to the Beaches, or find a little corner of a park, or go out on your balcony, or in your backyard, or your friend's backyard - who knows? Under the trees by the river beyond the dog run at Riverdale Park? On the footbridge over the Don? Down by the lake at the bottom of High Park?  wear your wedding wellies, though! 

"Green" elopement locations in Toronto

...are very hard to find.  The parks dept would like you to book the BIG parks, and won't issue permits for the small ones for weddings.  So you can hold a small informal elopement for a handful of people, if you are discreet and happy to fade into the less well known areas of parks, or the Rosedale Ravine, or Cherry Beach, or the Spit, etc. You could even discreetly gather on a NON-busy day at the foot of this pretty bridge on Center Island - which looks just like Bow Bridge in Central Park.  Indoors, you can rent Allan Gardens conservatory for a small wedding (they say up to 40? seems crowded) and it's reasonable and very lovely. 

But if you're dreaming of a bigger bunch of people in a sylvan glade, you may have to go out of town, to the Toronto Islands, or the Kortwright - though I disapprove of chairs in a forest [amended: we had a lovely simple wedding at the Kortwright where simple wooden chairs were on the path]. It's not THIS picture - hope to have pix shortly...
You could bring a folding chair for granny, but the rest of you should simply stand around and leave no footprint... The Toronto Regional Conservation Authority books most of the pretty places, including Black Creek Village (which also offers a glade and a green).   The largest 'downtown' gathering option seems to be Woodbine "Millenium" Park, which holds 100 people, or so says the Parks Department. Kew Gardens gazebo is up to 50 people - all standing, of course, and the St. James Park (gazebo) downtown is 40 people. You can book the fountain at Center Island for 100 people, but need to ask the island authority first. Otherwise, the Music Garden has lowered its capacity from 40 to 20 people, and Sunnyside will charge a lot for a max of 40 people.

Part of the problem with park weddings is the number of people who have gone before you and ruined it all - bridezillas with chairs and high heels and videocams and altars and arches and rice... So naturally, the caretakers of our common spaces try to minimize the damage, and have restricted weddings to easily monitored spaces.  This is an ongoing discussion, so we'll tag these thoughts "green" and "location", etc.

Vintage Dresses - Mirvish Village

VintageBride.ca is a tiny bridal boutique tucked into Mirvish Village.  It's run by the Refinery, a vintage store across the street.  You can make an appointment to view their vintage bridal dresses, or go chat with the lovely person who curates the bridal collection from her desk over at the Refinery (where you can enjoy some of the fun things she brought back from Paris). Be sure to source bridesmaid dresses and accessories at Refinery, as well - and also bring along your beau for vintage clothes for men - why limit yourself to the same boring wedding + funeral suits?  Linen jackets are much classier :-)  Here's a post I wrote about Men and Wedding suits after a summer of red-faced grooms in black suits...

Weddings by Fountains!

Spring!  Small little elopements by fountains - here are some fountain locations you may know

Websites with event spaces and private rooms

Some of these are large event spaces who are already set up to hold weddings. They will usually have an event coordinator.

However, some of these are places that usually book meetings and events - but also cater for parties.  Be adventurous, and contact some of the places that have NOT held weddings, and ask to book a room for a celebration.  See what they will offer. Don't say "wedding" until you get the specs.

http://www.eventective.com/Canada/Ontario/Toronto/

http://www.eventsource.ca/venues.aspx

http://www.torontopubliclibrary.ca/spe_ser_rent.jsp   Appel room at Toronto Reference

http://www.standrewsclub.ca/

http://www.rostiegroup.com/servicesMeetingRooms.asp  has a Queens Quay location

Check smaller hotels (Drake and Gladstone will be listed in the above websites)

http://89chestnut.com/catering/home.htm    Chestnut street hotel

http://www.metropolitan.com/toronto/meetings.asp Metropolitan Hotel behind City Hall


See other other post about private dining locations

and simply hunt around your neighborhood, and use your imagination.